Still Waiting

Thursday, September 20, 2007

HELLO!

muahaha kk now i blog. well.. not much great stuff to blog about..maybe i shld jus blog abt my life to update u guys. =)

hmm currently im gg to quit the tuition at bugis on sunday night..gosh. cant help it but say... GROUP TUITION IS USELESS. DON'T EVER WASTE THAT KIND OF MONEY AGAIN.

well i engaged a new private tutor, its much more expensive($30 per hour) but i say its kinda worth it. she's not someone who will get off the lesson the minute the lesson is up, but rather, give and take depending on whether she's free or busy that day. i had the first lesson with her today at park mall's olio dome, and realised she's quite a nice person. as usual, she's someone who's very strong in her language but she hate math. someone like eddie. (get it? XD)

well, to say that i sort of like her is not very correct. rather, i really like her! of cos as a student's respect to a teacher. hmm i'll be like her someday. well maybe the only flaw is the location is ever changing(but means after lesson can shop at different places and get to know more places for studying) and it's in the public. muahaha but im used to it lah, bcos i had math lessons every sunday in pasir ris mac when i was in j2. so yup. haha. anyway, i just like her for her teaching method. she will not give me work to do and she'll do nothing and it means paying her for doing my own work. so i will listen to what she asks me to do.

so from today onwards i'll try to neopet less and read online BBC,CNN more as well as straits times. cut out those relevant news for the topics i've chose and bring it to class and discuss it with her. anyway, she said that she can only help me in my critical thinking for these few weeks considering my timeline. i feel abit sorry about that but well, last minuter..what to do?

she gave me a piece of work to be handed up to her today. its an expositional essay titled myself.

my first idea: oh what crap! am i supposed to write about my hobbies, how much i like to sleep and how much i like to play comp games? i'm quite troubled by it, but i decided to write about my life in the end. after all, i guess the main purpose is that she wants to see my style of writing. yeah. so i wrote an essay which is 1.5 pages long.(3 sides of a foolscape) thats a lot man! and i couldnt even finish them as i thought it was too lengthy. well. this is when i had a sudden realisation that my life is not that boring, in fact its colourful. well, let me explain.

from birth till now, my life has been taking on huge changes and some huge risks. i guess not many people can have the same experience as me during birth. not only did my birthday collide with my mum's lunar birthday and also a day behind her in the english calender, my birth brought about many emotions to may people. of cos, my mum the greatest. this is because of this unexpected undeveloped body parts of mine. well of cos it made many upset and sorry, but thats not how im going to live my life, feeling sorry for myself and well.. maybe i did in the past, but not now nor in the future. but sometimes i do wonder.. if i was born perfectly, would life change for me?would i be a proud person?attractive person?loathsome person? well. there could be a million outcomes.

then, i was such a vulgar kid in primary school, until pri 5 and 6 where i chose to go to the em1 stream, got into a class of some snobbish kids.. i remembered one girl VIVIDLY. i know she's in tjc(now shld be in some uni) and i still remembered her name. i could remember how sharp her tone was when she speaks to me and well. the rest of her gang probably felt the same way about me, discriminating me and obviously they were out to outcast me. that was when my confidence level starts to decrease and my self consciousness increase exponentially. IF i did not opt for the em1 class, perhaps i would be different from what i am today. well.. maybe i would get poorer grades and not meet wonderful friends in PRSS and of cos g6 and friends.

but my meeting with my bestiess in sec sch is another major life changing event for me. i never felt so loved by friends and i dare say its my good friends who changed me. changed me into a more lame,nonsensical,bhb but beast of all, a more confident person. =) big thanks to g6, cy and eddie. well. those friends who were very close to me in sec sch lah. =D

then, many tests of friendship came after our o lvls..we went to work, so didnt meet up as a whole gang at all except for 1 time. i can still remember very clearly.

then we got streamed to the same school! something to really rejoice about. but in the end.. it kinda brought our friendship apart still. maybe things wld be different if we all end up in different schools. the amt of time we spend tgth might be lesser but of cos, the limited time makes the presence and conversation more high quality and perhaps our friendship wldnt drift that far. perhaps, perhaps, perhaps.

then jc days were over, we got ourselves job to work through the holidays, for me i get to experience even more erm... reality of the true society where people puts up a mask and ask you for a favour.. and if you didnt do a good job, man.. they change face faster than those mask-changing masters from china.

its scary. and thats when i miss my sec school life once more. innocent us, happy us, free-from-troubles us.the times we go ecp..prp.. laugh all the way from school to tm 1st level to tm 4th lvl back to tm 1st level and to the interchange. even on the bus i will think back on the jokes we laughed at for nothing. its so nice, when life is just about being a good friend, being with your friends and be happy. oooooO... one best way to describe my sec school emotions is to reach school when its still dark, not much peeps on a cold morning, buy a bowl of porridge for 60cents and tempt your friends with the sesame oil fragrance. =) best still, on a rainy morning..ahhh.. how much i miss this feeling! well.. this beats being in bed on a rainy morning. cos i get to see friends, copy their work and if its too much, ask them to help me copy! XD hahaha! i rmb i did this b4 and its hui my bestie who helped me out. lol. i can see tt cai or jy quite pissed tt time..cant rmb who.. but aiya wad to do, im a lazy bumbum. hehehe. anyway they have became fond memories now.

ok so well, in sec sch my life is perfect, that is why i crave to go back to that time once more. my academic results was fine, i took on leading roles in school, i found my passion for music and i made wonderful friends. if i had to repeat these 4 years of timeframe again n again until we all cant fit into our uniforms anymore,(sounds quite disgusting) im willing to.

haha still rmb those times we were mad over badminton! i was the first to reach school and waited for someone with a racket to turn up so we cld start the game. hahaha... haiz. (see every laughter ends with a sigh) but everything is over. such timeframe cant be repeated, or rather, i don't know how it can happen again.

there is one book from Tuesday with morris titled "for one more day", and this books writes about how a fine man's life worsen until he decided to take his own life and in the end end up meeting his dead mother's spirit whom he's taken for granted in the past.they spent a day together and this man realised what life is about n blah n blah and decide to rebuild his life again. for me, i wish to dream about a day back to my secondary school days and if i can, i will never wake up. cos it's all too perfect.

for one more day.

well. back to my life. a lvls is an emotion trauma for me though i never did fall into a mild depression or cried over it. im just as happy-go-lucky as i can be which of cos, is very very bad. =p my grades did not shock me as i expected them, but its the competition into the universities that scared the hell out of me(though it didnt do much in motivating me to study very very very very hard now). so i chose this path to retake A's, and this is a very huge decision.(probably not huge at all in future when i grow older) this is the first time im taking a path chosen by none of my friends yet i can still walk down safely without much erm..grudges and stuff lah. anyway, i often wondered how i landed myself in this sorry state. quite sorry right? but sighs, what goes around comes around, i didnt put in effort and so this is how it turns out. so maybe now i shld go and read the BBC and CNN instead of blogging here? hahaha.

anyway i'll be having econs tuition too! haha.. he's a tpjc senior now in ns, but heard from sihua he's very good so yup. giving it a try! hope it works out and well.. i really dun wanna take any chances anymore. this time, i must score a decent grade for a lvls!!! gosh. i really wish to go into a uni, learn percussion and rebuild my life again!

wish me good luck everyone! =)

-when are you coming back? ;